A talking donkey – and a “seer” named Balaam. I must say, God really has a great way of teaching a brain like mine lessons from His Word. In the Old Testament Book of Numbers, God opens the mouth of a donkey to communicate to Balaam (the seer), who really isn’t a good guy. Although Balaam blesses the people of Israel here when the Moab King asked him to curse them, he was truly always out for his own good. Not a good guy. Here is part of the story – three different times, the donkey tries to get Balaam’s attention. The donkey veers off of the road – Balaam beats the donkey, and they once again go on their way. The donkey then runs Balaam into a fence – Balaam beats her a second time. At last, the donkey sits down under Balaam in the road and won’t move. Balaam is about to beat the donkey again when the donkey starts talking – she basically says “why are you beating me? Am I not your trusted donkey??” The donkey kept veering off of the path because there was an “angel of God” standing there with a flaming sword. God was giving Balaam a message. Balaam couldn’t see the angel – but the donkey did! You can read the entire story in Numbers 22.
So why mention this story? And why put that story with the topic of “deep wounds?” God is constantly trying to get my attention to trust Him through difficult circumstances, or my deep wounds. Some deep wounds take a long time to heal – some never really heal. They just become more bearable. In the story of Balaam and the donkey, God used a donkey to get Balaam to see the “angel with a flaming sword” – who had a message for Balaam. He didn’t see the angel on his own. God used a donkey. What is God using in your life to get your attention so that you will place total trust in Him during these wounded circumstances? I would actually love to have a talking donkey, but I don’t think that is coming my way.
I continue to carry deep wounds as we all do. Our wounds all look different – death, betrayal, divorce, violence, etc. You can fill in the blank with your deep wound. My deepest wound I believe right now continues to be losing my husband Rex in 2016 to lung cancer. Rex was diagnosed in 2013 – he was soooo healthy, so the cancer diagnosis came as a shock. He was diagnosed with cancer on our 25th wedding anniversary. (talk about a shot to the heart) He truly was the love of my life. I have continued to go through the motions hoping this wound will heal. I don’t think it ever heals – and it doesn’t get easier. It just gets “different”, and I said before, “more bearable” with time. My second wound is the death of my father Feb. 15, 2019. My daddy was my hero. Lost him to cancer as well. He fought valiantly for over 40 years. Those two men were my “strong guys”. I hope that you have “strong guys” in your life. Those that are full of integrity, that lead their families well, that love you unconditionally, etc. Those two deep wounds have really made me trust God more to make the pain more bearable. Yes – I said pain. Our wounds cause us pain. And it is super hard to trust when you hurt. I used to say that “I trust God”. I think back before Rex died, and I trusted God with a little “t” trust. Now, experiencing Rex’s death as well as losing my daddy, I have to now Trust with a capital “T”. Sometimes our deep wounds cause us to be angry towards God. This causes us to retreat and not trust God. If we will continue to ‘T’RUST God, He can use that deep wound for ministry. We are able to minister to those around us that have experienced the same pain from our wounds. Although all of the wounds are different, there are similarities that God can use for His and our good for ministry. In other words, I became an “expert” on being a widow when Rex died. Not that I have all the answers, but I can now minister to another widow. How can God use your “deep wounds”?
You may not be ready to use your wound for God. You may still feel anger or abandonment. But what is the Holy Spirit using in your life to get you to TRUST God – all caps TRUST? Healing those wounds is a process. It might even take just one day at a time. It might take one hour at a time. It might take one minute at a time. It might take one second at a time. There is no judgement on that. You must take the time necessary to begin to heal. This is a process that cannot be rushed. Then begin moving into the season of using that wound to glorify God. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you God’s motives, God’s plans. Be sensitive to God’s promptings – because if we are sensitive to that and are drawing closer to Him, then we are going to learn from the hard and hurtful circumstances to TRUST God.
So – what is your donkey? What is she trying to get you to see? The Holy Spirit appeared to Balaam – the donkey is the one that saw the angel. What is the Holy Spirit using in your life to get you to TRUST God? And – are you at a place to recognize God’s promptings? I would love to say it will be a donkey. But really? God is God. He can use anything He wants to get my attention. I just hope that I am watching when He does.